Friday, May 23, 2008

Latin American Begging Tour for "Kosovo Recognition"

The foreign minister of the Albanians in Kosovo, Skender Hyseni, was recently on an "on-his-knees" begging tour of Latin America in order to find those corrupt or stupid enough to grant recognition to his quasi statelet. Skender has presented his credentials to numerous Latin America diplomats, along with personal letters of recommendation from several Columbian drug cartels & William Walker (AKA Mr. Massacre who set up the Racak hoax for "the Kosovars"), plus several "offers you can't refuse" from the Bush Administration. John McCain also threw in a stellar recommendation for Skender in return for the generous donations the Albanian Mafia has made to McCain's presidential campaign. McCain, Chair of the IRI since 1992, offered some additional coaching from old IRI "assets" who overthrew several governments in the neighborhood, and advised a stop off in Bolivia where Croatian-born Branko Marinkovich is attempting a coup to seize power from the native population. (If it works, Branko says that he's in!)

Skender was traveling with several suitcases full of Albanian narco-mafia money, after having just returned from a pick up in Columbia, and is handing the rolled-up hundred generously. Skender has also been willing to give free sex junkets to leaders who sign up for this "Kosovo recognition" program (Skender couldn't fit kidnapped sex slaves in his bags to take with him, no matter how hard he tried). Skender is giving out coupons for "free organ-transplants" (if they don't mind that the organ was taken out of a living victim on an Albanian kitchen table with a rusty knife) for anyone wiling to sign on the dotted line.

Skender's biggest problem is that most Latin American diplomats are having a hard time finding "Kosovo" on a map of Europe, and can often be heard arguing between themselves, "No, no alli-- eso es Serbia, no Albania!" Most Latin American diplomats can only understand the arguments for Kosovo's "independence" when they are far too drunk to be allowed to sign anything. Skender suggested that not being able to "locate Kosovo" on a map should not get in their way, given that only one in ten Costa Ricans knew where Kosovo was, but recognized it anyway! Unfortunately for Skender, the diplomats replied that they were "not THAT drunk"!

Skender is studiously avoiding two places -- Argentina & Brazil. Carla del Ponte is the new Swiss Ambassador to Argentina and Carla just dropped a political bombshell on Kosovo with her revelations on involuntary Serb organ donors in her new book -- questions to Skender about that book might be just too uncomfortable and would ruin the festive mood. And then there is Brazil, where UN Representative Gerard Galluci was very well-respected in diplomatic circles -- Galluci blew the whistle on the horrible treatment of Serbs in Kosovo in a recent UN document, and the ghost of Galluci in Brazil might just haunt Skender in diplomatic circles there.

Skender did get several Amazon tribes to agree to "recognize Kosovo" -- if they ever found Europe. And George Bush is even thinking about giving these Amazon tribes new countries of their own, just to improve the Kosovo recognition numbers. (I mean, getting Nauru -- an 8 sq mile island in Micronesia-- onboard was a real coup in the game!)

Yet from the real Latin American countries, Skender only got a lot of "Hasta Luego's", not a few "Adios'!", and nothing more. But President Bush promised to "those people a talking to!" for Skender, especially if Skender promised to find Bush's watch!

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